Fun for Chemists

Every chemist deserves a break. So put down that beaker, take off your safety glasses, and enjoy a few chemistry jokes and riddles. And the next time you need an inorganic standard, be sure to think of Inorganic Ventures.

Chemistry Jokes and Riddles

Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A: A ferrous wheel.

Q: If H₂O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
A: H₂O cubed.

Q: What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?
A: OH SNaP!

A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".

Q: What do you do with a dead chemist?
A: Barium

Q: What did one ion say to the other?
A: I've got my ion you.

Q: Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?
A: To reduce his carbon footprint.

Q: What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
A: One molar solution.

A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you," The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."

Q: What do you call a clown who's in jail?
A: A silicon.

Q: Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?
A: Because it's pretty basic stuff.

Q: What emotional disorder does a gas chomatograph suffer from?
A: Separation anxiety.

Q: Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?
A: Because it's in the ground state.

Florence Flask was getting ready for the opera. All of a sudden, she screamed: "Erlenmeyer, my joules! Somebody has stolen my joules!" The husband replied, "Calm down, honey. We'll find a solution."

Q: If H₂0 is water, what is H₂0₄?
A: Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.

Titanium is a most amorous metal. When it gets hot, it'll combine with anything.

Q: What did one titration say to the other?
A: "Let's meet at the endpoint."

Q: What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?
A: Breaking up is hard to do.

Old chemists never die, they just stop reacting.

Q: What is "HIJKLMNO"?
A: H2O.

Q: When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?
A: H2O. "C over lambda.

Q: How did the chemist survive the famine?
A: By subsisting on titrations.

Q: What happens when spectroscopists are idle?
A: They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

Q: Why can't lawyers do NMR?
A: Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.

Q: What element is derived from a Norse god?
A: Thorium.

Q: What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?
A: He was booked for a salt and battery.

Q: What element is a girl's future best friend?
A: Carbon.

Little Willie was a chemist. Little Willie is no more. What he thought was H₂O was H₂SO₄.

Q: What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?
A: Polar Bond.

Heard any good chemistry jokes or riddles?  Email us!
humor@inorganicventures.com